I'm Sorry
by RClaybourne
Summary: What happens after episode 2.10
1. Chapter 1

I'm Sorry

My first ever fan fic but there are constant stories running through head. After 6 hours of driving today I was inspired by John Denver's "I'm sorry."

I still have not recovered from Rayna not apologizing to Deacon for

keeping Maddie a secret.

This picks up after the Music City Festival.

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

Chapter 1: The Lyrics

It's been a week since the Music City Music Festival. It's been a week since

Peggy's death, a week of Rayna looking after Teddy and the girls, and

a week of renewed guilt over the state of their lives- all of their

lives. And yet, it's not her failed marriage she's feeling the guiltiest

about. What haunts her most at night, when the house is quiet, when she is alone, is how she's treated Deacon. She's realizing, not for the first time, how fleeting life is, and what she really wants in her life is Deacon.

But, if his blow off after his performance at the music festival is any indication, he seems to finally be through with her. Is it for good this time? How could it not be. The hell Deacon put her through during their years together was due to his alcoholism. It was due to an illness. But what she put him through…it was deliberate. Wasn't it? She downright betrayed him. She hurt him on purpose. She put the feelings of another man first. Was she really as virtuous as she gave herself credit for? How could she claim she loved Deacon if she put a promise to Teddy before him. Deacon had a right to know about Maddie from the very beginning, and the web they wove with this lie- the web SHE wove…Her lie had triggered so many problems, right down to Peggy's death

She's had trouble sleeping at night. There's a constant knot in her stomach that feels like it's eating her up inside. The city seems so bleak. Life seems bleak. She can't get warm. Winter is not her favorite time of year. She's been snapping at Tandy and Bucky. They think it's the stress of the added security Teddy assigned to them all, but that's not it. She's finally opened herself up to the full responsibility of her actions.

On her 4th sleepless night, the night after Peggy's funeral, Rayna finally gets up and starts to write.

**"I'm Sorry"**

It's cold here in the city, it always seems that way,

and I've been thinking about you almost every day.  
Thinking about the good times, thinking about the rain.  
Thinking about how bad it feels alone again.  
I'm sorry for the way things are in China, I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be.  
More than anything else, I'm sorry for myself cause you're not here with me.

Our friends all ask about you, I say you're doing fine. I expect to hear from you almost anytime.  
They all know I'm crying, and I can't sleep at night. They all know I'm dying down deep inside.  
I'm sorry for all the lies I told you, I'm sorry for the things I didn't say.  
But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself. I can't believe you went away.

I'm sorry if I took some things for granted, I'm sorry for the chains I put on you.  
But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself for living without you.

After a night alone with her lyrics she gets up enough courage to call Deacon. Now that he and Maddie are building their own relationship she rarely talks to him anymore. Since the night when she gave him his ring back, when she told him they needed to save themselves, he rarely calls her.

"Hey," Rayna says into the phone when Deacon answers on the third ring. "Do you have a few minutes today? Would it be okay if I came by to talk?"

"Is everything alright?" Deacon asks. "Is Maddie okay?"

"Yeah she's fine. She's been really strong since Peggy, ya know... " she trails off. "But,

I, just wanted to run a couple things by you," she fibbed.

"Ok. Megan's leaving for work in a few minutes, and I'll be here until about 11, before my physical therapy."

"Thanks Deacon. I'll see ya in a few."

Rayna showers and throws on a pair of jeans. She tries to cover up the dark circles under her eyes but even a miracle worker couldn't help there. An hour and a half later she is standing on Deacon's front porch.

"Hey, " Deacon says somberly.

"Hey. Thanks for seeing me today."

"Yeah. Of course. What's up?"

" Well, I know I have no right to ask, but I need one more track on my album.

I wrote something last night and I need some feedback on it, and, you

know, I respect your opinion. No one has an ear for music like you."

Deacon pauses for a moment as he tries to sum up the situation.

"Can I get you some coffee?" he asks as he motions for her to come in.

A few minutes later they're sitting at the kitchen counter.

Deacon reads through the lyrics.

He coughs.

He gets to "sorry for all the lies" and looks up at her, but continues reading.

He takes a deep breath when he gets to the end.

"Those are some pretty serious lyrics."

"Yeah," Rayna looks down at her coffee cup. "You know I'm not real good at apologies. I feel like this one was a long time comin'. I'm just so sorry for everything Deacon. I'm sorry for all of the messes I've made with everyone's lives, especially yours. It was never

my intention to hurt you, but I know I've made some huge mistakes. I do know how wrong I was not to tell you about Maddie."

Deacon takes a deep breath and let's it out. Did you still want my feedback on the song?

"I mostly wanted you to read it, "she says with sincerity.

Deacon sits there, clenching his jaw and gripping his coffee mug tighter.

Rayna waits a moment longer before taking a breath and giving Deacon a small, sad smile. She gets up and begins putting her coat on.

"I am sorry. I better be goin', I guess," Rayna says in a quieter voice, filled with uncharacteristic uncertainty. "But I do want you to know that I am on your side, and Maddie's, and I will do whatever I can to try to correct my mistakes. Take care of yourself Deacon. I hope one day you can learn to trust me again."

Deacon watches as Rayna turns and walks out the front door.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Sorry

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

Chapter 2: Been There, Done That

_Deacon watches as Rayna turns and walks out the front door…_

He's angry. A million thoughts run through his mind of the life they could have had…of the life they HAVE had…of the life they could still have. He's frozen in his seat and doesn't think he has the energy to go through this again.

Deacon catches up to Rayna before she reaches her car. Tears are rolling down her face. Deacon acknowledges the tears and softens his voice but is still angry.

"Why do you do this?" He scolds.

Rayna looks wounded.

"As soon as I am remotely happy or making any kind of progress getting my life back on track you turn up here telling me you love me, or you need me, or you're sorry. It seems like you just like keeping me on a short leash, Rayna. But I'm not your sideman anymore. You made sure of that," Deacon lets out a deep breath. "It's time for me to be the center of my own life. I'm not your play thing!"

"I can't let you go Deacon because...because I don't know who I am without you. You are the only one that keeps me true to myself, otherwise I live in a world where I'm what everyone else expects me to be. I know I said we needed to save ourselves, and you've done a great job of that but… I lose myself without you. I'm lost Deacon. I was lost 14 years ago when I found out I was pregnant and I've been lost every day since. I'm not here to try to control you or throw your life off balance. I don't see you as a play thing!" Rayna's feistiness begins to return.

"What do you want from me, Ray?"

Encouraged by the nickname, Rayna continues. "I want you. I want a life with you in it, in whatever capacity you are willing to give. I miss you. I miss our friendship. And if I'm honest, I miss every other damn thing about you, too. Everything. I want a life with you Deacon. I want a family. Maybe all of these years I've been the one with the addiction- to you, and I'm so used to just writin' about it and singin' about it…I've never learned to talk to you about it. So again, I wrote a damn song about it…but now I want to talk to you about it, too. I want to talk about everything that we've been avoiding. I want-"

Deacon cuts her off. "What about all of those songs I wrote for you, Ray? You think you can write a damn song and have me come running back to you? Because been there, done that. Doesn't work! If writin' a damn song is all it took we'd have never been apart.

I'm with someone I care about now, Ray, and I did my best to respect your relationship with Teddy- unless that relationship was different because you had a child together? Oh wait! That was our child!" Deacon runs a hand through his hair to try to calm himself down. "I need more than a song Ray. I need you to treat me like a person. Like someone that matters to you. Like an equal. If you can't live without me then stop kicking me to the curb every time I say or do something that you don't like! I'm tired of walking on egg shells around you. I'm tired of constantly paying for my mistakes, and feeling like you are more than I deserve. I need someone who isn't constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's nice to finally be in a relationship with someone who isn't looking for me to make up for 20 years' worth of mistakes."

They stood there on the sidewalk for a while, an air of hopelessness around them.

"I've got a physical therapy appointment I need to keep," Deacon states, not making any movement from his place on the sidewalk.

"How's your hand doin'?" Rayna asks gently.

"I'm almost able to cut my own meat." Deacon softens a little.

"I'm sorry about the accident," Rayna says quietly. "I was sober. I should have known better then to be arguing with you like that while I was driving. The accident was my fault. I should have pulled over, or waited until I got you home."

Deacon looks towards the street, hands in his pockets. "Look, it's probably not the best invitation you've ever gotten, but do you want to come to my doctor's appointment with me? We can grab lunch after."

"Sure," Rayna smiles. "I'll let you drive this time."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

This picks up a few days after Deacon's physical therapy appointment. Rayna is thinking back to their lunch together a few days prior.

Lyrics to _Alright_ are by Darius Rucker.

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

Rayna is at home on a quiet Friday morning after the girls have left for school. She is absentmindedly cleaning up the breakfast dishes and thinking back to her lunch with Deacon a few days prior.

Deacon's physical therapy appointment had been brief and he and Rayna made it to Fat Mo's for burgers before noon. They had both been pretty quiet sitting at their table scanning their menus until the waitress came over and Deacon asked for two orders of spicy fries.

"I guess physical therapy helped ya work up an appetite!"

"Tell yourself whatever you need to," Deacon said, one eyebrow raised at Rayna, as he sunk his straw into his iced tea.

Rayna's jaw had dropped. "What is THAT supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know what it means," Deacon had responded with a grin.

"Do I, now?"

"When, in the last TWENTY FIVE years have you EVER not eaten ALL of my fries? You NEVER order your own but SOMEHOW mine always disappear. If we have any plans to start things fresh, I'm coming into this prepared, with both eyes open, and I am sure as hell making sure I have enough fries!"

Rayna smiled sweetly. "So, you think we can start fresh?"

"I'd like to, Ray. I'd like to- for Maddie's sake."

Rayna started to feel hopeful but then looked down at her drink, feeling wounded.

"Deacon, I am genuinely thrilled that you are being so…thoughtful…of Maddie's feelings, but…I was really hoping we could talk about where things stand with us, separate from Maddie. I am in awe of what a great job you are both doing getting to know each other better, and I am so glad for that, but…I feel like the two of us are growing further and further apart."

Deacon sighed. "Ray… I'd like to build our friendship again, if you're committed to this, but… I feel like we should just move forward. Start fresh. But… I know from experience nothing good comes from forgetting the past, or trying to deny any of it. I also think… maybe we could build a new relationship, as the people we are now."

They sat quietly for a while, the waitress bringing their food in the meantime. Rayna pushed her food away, having lost her appetite.

"Rayna, I'm sorry if-"

"No, Deacon, you're right," Rayna had interrupted. "We're not teenagers and when we're together I feel like we fall into that role again. We both seem to go back to a time where our entire relationship is reactionary. You become all I think about. I feel this overwhelming, obsessive need to have you reciprocate my feelings. And that kind of…lust…it's not sustainable. Not for adults. I wonder if that's not why we end up…so _volatile._ But, if we can even expect to be friends, and to have any possibility of anything more, we need to get to know each other as the people we are now, as responsible adults, with a child, and a commitment to do right by each other. And you are right, we should do this for Maddie. But...maybe...-"

Deacon cut her off, straight faced. "Ray, how about dinner? Would you like to go out to dinner with me this week? We've never really had a first date before."

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

Rayna and Deacon had had lunch on Tuesday. She'd dropped Maddie off for a guitar lesson with him on Thursday but they hadn't talked much. Now it was Friday, just a few hours to go before their "first" date. She headed upstairs to looking through her closet, searching for something special to wear. Her stereo had already been turned on. She heard Watty's voice come through the speaker, announcing a new single from an old friend and "former band leader for Rayna Jaymes." She didn't recognize the music but soon heard Deacon's voice coming through the speakers.

_Alright, Alright  
Yeah it's alright, alright_

Don't need no five star reservations  
I've got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine  
Don't need no concert in the city  
I've got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline  
Ain't got no caviar no Dom Perignon  
But as far as I can see, I've got everything I want

Cause I've got a roof over my head,  
the woman I love laying in my bed  
And it's alright, alright  
I've got shoes under my feet  
Forever in her eyes staring back at me  
And it's alright, alright  
I've got all I need  
And it's alright by me

Maybe later on we'll walk down to the river  
Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon  
It may not be no French Riviera  
But it's all the same to me as long as im with you

It may be a simple life, but that's okay  
If you ask me baby, I think I've got it made

Cause I've got a roof over my head,  
the woman I love laying in my bed  
And it's alright, alright  
I've got shoes under my feet  
Forever in her eyes staring back at me  
And it's alright, alright  
I've got all I need  
And it's alright by me

It's alright by me, yeah yeah  
When I lay down at night I thank the Lord above  
For giving me everything I ever could dream of

Cause I've got a roof over my head,  
the woman I love laying in my bed  
And it's alright, alright, alright, alright  
I've got shoes under my feet  
Forever in her eyes staring back at me  
And it's alright, alright, alright  
I've got all I need, yeah  
I've got all I need  
And it's alright by me  
Oh yeah, it's alright by me

Rayna loved Deacon's new upbeat, positive sound but was blindsided by the lyrics. "The woman I love sleeping in my bed?" Did he mean Megan? She loved that he'd put himself back together and was feeling so optimistic. She could see that in his demeanor, and maybe even in his seeming reluctance to move forward with her. But did he really love her? Did he really love Megan? And, if that was true, could they really move forward? If he was finally happy, should she even interfere?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Friday Evening, Before Rayna and Deacon's Date

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

Rayna is nervously pacing around the living room when the doorbell rings. Teddy had picked the girls up two hours prior and now she was walking around in circles in a pair of strappy crystal heels and an emerald green halter dress that was quite literally made for her and left just enough to the imagination. Deacon loved her in emerald green, and for that reason she had rarely worn the color in the past 14 years. It was just one of the pieces of their life together that she chose to tuck away. She wore her hair in soft, loose waves and just enough makeup to look flawless without being overdone. Now she was wondering if it was all too much, if she was putting herself out there too much, if she was just opening herself up to more heartache.

But it was Deacon. Deacon was the love of her life, and they were starting fresh, she hoped, so she wanted the evening to be special...special for both of them. Maybe she _was_ putting herself out there but she also wanted him to know she was putting in the effort for their date, and she was taking this possibility of one more chance for them seriously.

The doorbell rang again, pulling her out of her reverie. She opened the door to find Deacon standing there looking more handsome than ever in a dark shirt and sports coat with a gorgeous bouquet of wild flowers in hand.

"Wow- you look...breathtaking," Deacon complimented, kissing Rayna on the cheek.

"You look pretty wonderful yourself," Rayna smiled. "These flowers are absolutely gorgeous! Come on in and I'll put them in water real fast."

"I haven't seen you in emerald green in-"

"About 14 years?"

They locked eyes for a moment.

"You've always looked real pretty in this shade, " Deacon said softly.

"Thank you. I just wanted to look nice for our big date," Rayna teased.

"I'd say you succeeded," Deacon grinned sweetly.

20 minutes later the pair were being escorted to their table at Watermark Restaurant. Both quiet and on their best behavior, Rayna is feeling as nervous as she would be if this were an actual first date with someone she just met, and not a man she's known for intimately for nearly 30 years.

"I heard you song during Watty's show today!"

"Oh yeah? He said he might play it. Whadja think?" He asks cautiously.

She's positive and complimentary. "It's great! It's different from what I'm used to hearing. It's all so upbeat. If I didn't know better-" Rayna stops herself.

"If you didn't know better, what?"

"I was going to say, it seems like you are becoming an optimist, but I guess, maybe you have been for a while." They are both quiet for a while. The waiter takes their orders. Rayna does her best to regroup and remain cheerful, but she is still having nagging thoughts of Megan and feels they need to clear the air.

"I didn't realize," she begins, taking a deep breath, "I didn't realize you and Megan were so serious. It sounded like maybe that song, _Alright_, was written for her…" Deacon doesn't say anything, and Rayna tries to keep her emotions in check. "I just mean, if y'all are doing so well and all…I just don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. Not anymore. I mean that."

Deacon watches her for a while and looks down at his drink again before meeting her eyes. "Ray, we broke up." Rayna's eyes widen but she remains still. "Yes, I do love Megan and yes, I wrote that I could see forever in her eyes, but that, that was _my_ forever. She's a great person- an incredible person. She's been through a lot herself, and she's been a good friend. She's accepted me for who I am and hasn't expected anything from me, including a future together. She was there after the accident when I was beating myself up, and she understood why I was doing it. She was there when you were looking for Maddie and she put two and two together, figuring out what the situation was. She didn't ask too many questions about anything but was understanding when I said I didn't know the first thing about being a father." At that, Rayna's eyes started to tear up.

"Her tone deaf ears were even there to hear the first new songs I wrote- on a _piano_! It seems she understood that whatever relationship we had would be temporary," Deacon paused. "But she was there to help me see what I could be, by not expecting anything, and sometimes just pointing out the obvious. She was kind of a sounding board, so I could figure stuff out on my own. So, yes, I saw a future in her eyes but it was never one with her. I ended up seeing what I could achieve on my own, and that, maybe, I was a whole lot more than I thought I was. But- she's not you, Ray. I gave my heart away a long time ago, and for a long time I felt empty walking around without it, but now, now I see Maddie, and I know that even if you and I aren't together, it's all been worth it. It's like my heart beats again when I see her. It's a pretty damn uncomfortable feeling! Makes me want to follow her around and bubble wrap her or somethin', but, I feel like a whole person again."

A tear runs down Rayna's cheek as she gazes at Deacon, but she smiles.

"So, Ray, that part of my heart that'd been missing for so long, I know where it went. For a while after the CMAs, after the accident, nothing made sense, but now it seems like everything does. And the fact is, I don't _need_ you in my life anymore."

Rayna looks as though she's taken a knife to the chest when Deacon says this, and can't begin to cover the hurt she is feeling.

"Now stay with me a minute. There's a 'but' in there. I don't need you in my life anymore, but, I'd sure as hell like you there, every day, for the rest of our lives."

Deacon smiles at her. Rayna practically swoons. "So, you think you can go another round?"

"No," Deacon says. "But I'd like us to get to know these people we are now. These 40-_somethings_," he grins. "I'd like to see where the path leads us. I think it might even be fun. And since you've got the girls every other week, maybe we could spend some family time together, too? And then see where our own road takes us on the off weeks?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – The Conversation Begins**

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

**Thank you all so much to those of you who have taken the time to write **reviews.** I really appreciate it!**

**This Chapter picks up during Rayna and Deacon's Friday night dinner.**

"So, we're an "us" again?" Rayna asks shyly, cautiously.

"Yeah, we're an "us" again." Deacon nods slowly, not taking his eyes off of Rayna. " But, I think, an "us" in progress."

"Yeah. An "us" in progress," Rayna agrees. "No drama. No secrets."

"No drama. But, what about domesticity?" Deacon raises an eyebrow at Rayna.

"Domesticity? I like the way you say that! You make it sound kind of sexy," Rayna says flirtatiously.

"You're messing with me, but I'm serious. I don't want to just be the guy who buys ice cream and gives guitar lessons. And I don't want to be the guy you're hiding in closets at Sound Check. I think you underestimate me. You have no idea how sexy I can make domesticity look," Deacon flirts back.

Rayna nods. "No, you are right. It's not fair to have you just show up for the fun stuff. There's a lot of bonding involved in the day to day, and honestly I think that is what Teddy is most concerned with. It makes it easier for him if he can say you're just the guy that shows up with cupcakes and teddy bears when he's the one cleaning up the mess and driving the car pools. But I promise, Deacon, no secrets this time. Not from the girls, not from Teddy, not from the press. I want to be able to talk to you about our expectations, all of our expectations, and make sure we are all on the same page. I think it can only help us to build a stronger relationship if we talk about where we want to be now, where we want to be a year from now, what we're afraid of, what we like, don't like... And I'm really glad that you want to be more involved. I really am." Rayna's eyes start to tear up.

Deacon smiles. "Maybe we're kinda startin' to act like grown ups?"

"Maybe." Rayna smiles.

Deacon reaches across the table for Rayna's hand and they enjoy a quiet moment as the waitress takes their order.

"Ray, I really would like to take on more responsibility, be more involved with Maddie…and Daphne, too. I actually do know how to make dinner, I can help with homework...I know Teddy doesn't think-"

"Deacon, I don't care what Teddy thinks. I listened to him for too long. He's going through a hard time right now after Peggy, " Rayna lets her voice trail off. "He's scared to death he'll lose Maddie, but that's his issue, not mine. I did make promises to him and I respect everything he's done for Maddie. I don't want to destroy their relationship in any way, but, not to sound corny, there's no reason why there can't be enough love for all of us. I want you in our lives Deacon and I am thrilled as hell if that's what you want, too. But I can't say I'm not disappointed that you don't want to make out in any closets with me anymore," Rayna pouts.

"Don't misunderstand, I still want to make out in closets with you. I want to do a whole lot more than that. I just don't want to ONLY make out with you in closets," he flirts.

"You know, I'm not really very hungry. Can we get out of here? Maybe go get some coffee instead?"

Deacon asks for the check and to have their food wrapped up to go. He turns quiet, but looks straight into Rayna's eyes, leaving her to feel like he's gazing into her soul.

"Ray, we've never really talked about what happened when you learned you were pregnant. Could we talk about that? I'd just, like to know what things were like for you then."

"Actually, I can do better than that. I, um, kept journals for both you and Maddie. I started writing in yours when I was pregnant, partly to keep myself from falling apart, and, at least in my own mind, trying to still keep you involved. I thought maybe there would be a time, much sooner than now, that I would give yours to you, and tell you about Maddie." Rayna lets out a deep breath that she didn't realize she was holding. "At some point things changed, the journal became something I needed to do for myself, as well as for you, but then I was just so scared, especially once Maddie was old enough- I didn't want to make those choices Deacon." Rayna gets choked up and tries to hold back the tears she's been fighting.

"I know Ray. I know," he consoles. "Come on. Deacon says, taking her hand and helping her up, placing his arm around her waist as they head to the door.

They're quiet on the ride to Rayna's house, both lost in their own thoughts. Rayna leads Deacon quietly to her music room and unlocks a bottom desk drawer, pulling out a large vintage leather book.

"Maddie didn't find everything when she went searching through my stuff. I actually have several photo discs with pictures of the two of you. There's more than you'd think, and you probably don't remember a lot of them. I just hoped one day the photos and letters would be there to remind you that you do actually have a history together. I can show you those later. There are a couple of photos in here as well. Like I said, I started this when I found out I was pregnant and more often when Maddie was first born. Eventually I would only write on her birthdays, and sometimes on big milestones, like when she lost her first tooth."

Rayna looks at Deacon, unable to read his expression. He slowly takes the book, not taking his eyes off of Rayna.

Rayna lets out another deep breath. "I'm going to go change out of this dress, and I'll make us some coffee."

Deacon sits down on the sofa, staring at the book as it rests where he placed it on the coffee table, chin in his hands.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer- Characters are Copyright of Nashville**

Song Lyrics: _Don't Think I Don't Think About It_, Darius Rucker

**Chapter 6- Don't Think I Didn't Think About You**

Deacon spends a good ten minutes leaning back on the sofa, arms crossed, just staring at the journal, almost as if it's contents would come to life in front of him, almost as though he could step inside of the book and change history, but that's just a dream, or something akin to a drunken delusion. He stares at it, almost daring it to break him into pieces once again. Can he do this? He's stronger now.

"Damn it!" He says aloud. It's just a book, he tells himself. He runs his hand across the smooth leather bound cover. This is Rayna, he thinks. She wants him to read it. She thinks he's ready. He still wonders what he'll find. He wonders what he's truly missed. Can he handle those truths? His mind wonders to what they could have had all of those years ago, where they'd be right now. He wonders what they could have had if he hadn't been drunk. He wonders what they could have had if he handled things differently at the CMAs- if he hadn't walked away.

They've both made so many mistakes. Why do they keep returning to each other? He'd sworn to himself after the CMAs that he wasn't coming back. At that point, drinking a bottle of whiskey didn't matter. He had worked so hard to be the man he thought Rayna deserved, and none of it had mattered. She still didn't think he was good enough to be Maddie's father. There was so much hurt. Even after the accident, when she had returned his ring, the ring he didn't even remember giving her, he'd made his best attempt to forget Rayna, to let her memory fade. He rubs the back of his neck one last time and opens the journal cover before he loses his nerve.

Attached to the inside cover is a 2D ultrasound photo, underneath it written "It's a Girl!" It was written in black pen and traced over a few times in the style of an unconscious doodle. But there was an exclamation point. It seemed happy. Had Rayna been happy at the time? Was she happy to be pregnant? He didn't even know. Was she happy to be marrying Teddy? She's always said he'd been good to her.

Deacon removes the ultrasound from the photo corners and runs his thumb over the photo. Maddie. His daughter. He stands up and absentmindedly rocks back and forth. Memories flood through his mind…good ones, violent ones. I can't do this, he thinks. He thinks of Megan, of what she might say. He thinks of Maddie, and how brave she's been through all of this, stronger than them all. 10 more minutes pass as he sits back down looking at the photo, able to recognize Maddie's features, and maybe even a few of his own. His daughter. His _daughter_. HIS daughter.

He wonders where Rayna is. He wants her here as he reads this. He heads to the kitchen and sees that the coffee is already brewed.

"Ray?" He listens. He walks to the stairs. "Rayna?" He hears what sounds like a muffled sob from upstairs. Rayna is sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her dress in her hands, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sweats, sobbing into the dress.

"Ray? I was hoping I might see you in that dress again sometime. You looked pretty fantastic tonight." He soothes.

Rayna looks up and sniffles. Deacon takes the dress, placing it on a chair, and sits down next to her on the bed. "I was just thinking about the first time she tried solid food," she sobs into her hands.

Deacon looks at her, confused, but patient. "We can't go back, Deacon. It's been 14 years and I just let you miss them. All of those firsts. All of those milestones. I should have told you. You should have had a choice. You should have known how much she hated avocados!" She begins sobbing even harder.

Deacon takes her hands in his. "We can't go back, but we can go forward." Deacon consoles. "I was just sitting there, thinking about what we could have had this past year if I hadn't walked away that night. I could kick myself almost as much for missing this year as the past 13. But, I'm guessing, there's going to be just as much to experience next year, and the one after that. She still has a lot of firsts ahead of her, and I realized I want to be here for them. For her. I'm not afraid of being her father anymore. She's a great kid and she's made it real easy to get to know her better. I'm looking forward to all of the memories yet to come. But, you and me, I feel like we need to talk about why avocados were so important." Deacon gives her an understanding smile.

"Avocados are a super food!" she continues to sob. " They contain everything a person needs to survive, and they're high in good fats, and – she hated them! I thought I was the worst mom ever and she was going to be malnourished, and…" she takes a deep breath, collecting herself. "I must sound completely crazy."

Deacon smiles. You sound like you were completely devoted to her. Rayna gives a small nod. "I was. I was so in love with her. I still am." Rayna dabs her eyes with the short sleeve of her t-shirt. "Did you read the journal?"

"No." Deacon confesses. " I want to, and I'm- it means a lot to me that you kept it. More than you know, but, I feel like we should talk first. I'd really like to know, in all honestly, what it was like for you…back then. Were you happy?"

Rayna shares how she found out she was pregnant, about her ride to his house with Tandy after he left rehab for the 4th time. She shares that she didn't walk away because she felt that he was dangerous, because she never thought that he would hurt her or their child, but she left because of that feeling that she wasn't good enough to fix him. That feeling was what was the most devastating to her. She wasn't enough to save him. Their love wasn't enough. It was too much for her to deal with. How could she allow her child to grow up feeling that way?

"Deacon you had no idea that she could be yours!" She shouts at him, eyes welling up again. She's suddenly fearful he will get up and walk out. He surprises her when instead he squeezes her hand and asks if she is okay, if she can continue. "That hurt so much," she says, much more calmly. "The night she was conceived, that was the night you had proposed to me. You were so loving and we shared such a wonderful night. The next day, you didn't remember any of it. And you never seemed to suspect that Maddie might be yours. You never noticed how alike the two of you were."

Deacon looks up at her. "Ray, when I look at Maddie and Daphne, I only see you. I never saw Teddy in them, and certainly not myself. I saw you and I loved them both the moment I saw them, because they were yours."

They pause for a few moments, considering each other, some of the old hurt melting away.

Both are feeling suddenly much more at ease, a heavy weight lifted from them both. "The years went by quickly," Rayna explained, sounding more like herself. "I didn't set out to hurt you. When you're busy changin' diapers and throwin' birthday parties and drivin' car pools, the years just go by so fast. I honestly don't know where these 14 years have gone." She lets out a deep breath. " I was also putting my life back together, and you were doing the same. But, having Maddie…it was like having a part of you with me. And I loved her so much."

Deacon puts his arm around Rayna and she lays he head on his shoulder. "Thank you…for loving her so much," Deacon whispers, gently rubbing her shoulder.

"Will you stay here with me tonight?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you all so much for your reviews and support. It is all very much appreciated!**

**This is all a process I have been away from for a long time and it's giving me a greater appreciation for what the characters need to go through on the show.**

**I am also learning more about music so forgive me if some of my terms are not as precise as, say, someone who actually knows about music!**

**Disclaimer- Characters are Copyright of Nashville**

Song Lyrics: _Don't Think I Don't Think About It_, Darius Rucker and Clay Mills

**Chapter 7- The Hook**

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

Rayna looks up at Deacon hopefully.

"Ray. I should head home, let you get some sleep," Deacon suggests, almost mournfully, still caressing her shoulder with his thumb.

Rayna takes a deep breath. "I know we have a lot to work through still, Deacon, I do. I just… don't want you to leave." With that, Rayna tears up again.

"Ray." Deacon wraps his arms tightly around Rayna as she buries herself in his chest.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm just a hot mess right now but I haven't been sleeping well and I think it all just caught up with me."

Deacon brushes Rayna's hair away from where it clings to her damp cheeks. "Rayna, if I'm going to spend the night, we need to clear something up first." Rayna looks up at Deacon. "What the hell do we do with all of these pillows?"

Rayna smiles at that and Deacon leans over and gives her a soft kiss on the lips. "I usually toss them on the floor. I don't know what to do with them either," she confesses. "Tandy sent a decorator when I bought the place and was usually on hand to supervise every couple of years. It made her happy so I went along with it. Maybe I should stop trusting her judgement." Rayna gives Deacon a knowing glance. "You know, this isn't the first time I've shared this bed with you."

Deacon raises an eyebrow.

"There may have been one or two very detailed experiences…while I was sleepin'..."

"You dream about me, Ray?" Rayna blushes. "Well, maybe we can fulfill some of those fantasies a little later, but," he pauses, "this time it's my turn asking to slow things down." Deacon suddenly becomes serious. "Between all of the hurt, and all of the work I've done to get back here, everything I've been trying to build with Maddie...I mean, Ray...don't think I don't think about it..." He grins boyishly. "I just don't want to mess anything up."

"I know. And I promise you, as long as Maddie is happy, I will never interfere with your relationship with her. She loves you. I love you, too," she adds more quietly. "I just, want to know you're here. I need to know you are really here, Deacon."

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere. I've got enough regrets in my life. I'm not going anywhere ever again, no matter what." Deacon holds Rayna in his arms for a few moments before taking her hands in his. "But, we need to finish this talk. And I do want to read everything you wrote for me, back then."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow." Deacon suddenly changes his tone. "So, I'm going to go use your toothbrush and throw some pillows on the floor, and wrap my arms back around you for the rest of the night."

Rayna smiles sweetly, watching Deacon open a closet door and then make a second attempt towards the bathroom. "Wait, what? Oh that's gross. I have extra toothbrushes. This isn't some bachelor pad!" She calls to him.

"Oh I can see that!" Deacon says, walking back out with her toothbrush and playfully tossing a pillow at her before turning back around.

"The middle drawer! There's more in the middle drawer!"

Rayna wakes up with the sun, feeling rested and cared for, Deacon's arm lovingly around entwined around her waist.

"Deacon? Deacon." She whispers.

"Hmmm...?"

"Don't think I don't think about it. What you said last night. Have you written anything about that?"

"Mm mmm. No." Deacon slides his leg over her and squeezes her a bit tighter.

"Well wake up! I have an idea for a song. And a plan for your solo career!"

"Let me guess," Deacon says with closed eyes. "You got a good night's sleep last night? Or did you steal Daphne's energy?"

"That's the hook, Deacon! Don't think I don't-" Rayna reaches over to her nightstand and grabs a couple of notepads and some pencils and flips onto her stomach, feet on pillow, hair flowing all around her.

Deacon reaches out and cups her ass with his hand.

"Deacon! No, listen! This is going to be huge!"

"You're so cute when you're serious." Deacon laughs, eyes crinkling.

Rayna stops her writing and looks back at him. "You look...happy."

"I am happy Ray. I'm in a good place right now. And you seem like you're getting there too."

"Do you think we'd be happier if, you know, I hadn't said those things that night? That we needed to save ourselves?"

"We could go back and forth with could've beens and should've beens all day long but I don't think that will get us anywhere. We made choices and we just have to live with them. That doesn't mean I don't have regrets, but, what I do know is I probably wouldn't have attempted a solo career, I likely wouldn't have been building a relationship with Maddie on my own, either. Not with just the two of us. Maybe, in some ways, it's better. Stronger. Maybe you were right. Maybe saving ourselves was the best thing for us."

"So, does that mean you need to do everything on your own now? Because I think this song in my head might make a great duet. You know, I need a hit for my album and this could mean a little extra publicity for you. And, what do you think about signing on to my label?"

"Are you serious?"

"To be honest, this would benefit me at least as much as you. I need another great artist. _You_ are a great artist. Still the best of the best, Deacon. You know I mean that. I'll have the paperwork sent to your lawyer. All business. You don't have to decide now and this offer is completely separate from anything else. I will fully understand if you want to pursue other options on your own, but, this song could be a huge hit! Lord knows I need one...I could bring you onstage for a duet at the Opry?"

"You're really something you know that!" Deacon positions himself next to Rayna and kisses her deeply before pulling away, smiling. **"**Don't Think I Don't Think About It?...I left out in a cloud of tail lights and dust, swore I wasn't comin' back, said I'd had enough…"

Rayna chimes in, "Saw you in the rearview standin', fadin' from my life, but I wasn't turnin' round, no not this time. But don't think I don't think about it, don't think I don't have regrets…" 

"Don't think it don't get to me, between the work and the hurt and the whiskey."_  
_  
"Deacon, it's good. There are still some things we do well together."

"I can think of something else we do well together…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – **

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

**Thank you all so much to those of you who have taken the time to write reviews.**** ALL reviews, comments, critiques, etc. are VERY much appreciated!**

**This is a shorter chapter but it feels like it needs a story break here. More to come soon!**

After several rounds of lovemaking Deacon is laying back on the remaining pillows, with Rayna wrapped across him.

"Want to talk to me about it?" She asks.

"About what?" Deacon responds quietly, stroking her long mane of hair and staring off blankly across the room.

"About why you're hesitating to read that journal?"

Deacon sighs, gathering his thoughts. "I guess I'm just worried about opening all of those old wounds. They're just starting to heal. This is where I want to be right now, but-"

"But you're worried you might read something that changes that?"

"I am. But if I've learned anything in my lifetime it's that you've got to face the bad stuff or it'll just eat you up inside. I already know I missed 13 years with her, and I don't know if I'm ready to have salt poured on that wound. I don't know if, if I know more specifics of what I've missed...I just don't know if I can handle that."

Rayna leans up on her forearms so she can look into Deacon's soft blue eyes. "Babe, that book's not just about what you missed, and believe me, I will never not feel guilty about those things, but that journal is also about what you were a part of. A lot of it is about what the two of you shared together. It's not just sad memories of milestones you didn't get to see. You know what else is in there? There's pictures of the two of you snuggled up on the tour bus. She used to love when you would read to her, and do all of those voices! And how many times did you watch _Cars_ with her? She was such a little princess, I always suspected you were a bigger fan of the movie than she was! She was just your excuse to watch it," Rayna teases, and Deacon grins. "There's pictures of the first guitar lesson you had with her at Sound Check when she was about 3-"

"I forgot about that!" He interrupts, smiling. "She was good, too! Real good! I have never seen anyone, let alone a kid, learn guitar that quickly!"

"Well, now you know why!"

"I just figured she'd picked up an ear for music, she was around all of us so much!"

Rayna readjusts herself, a pillow behind her and pulling the covers around her, suddenly growing more introspective. "Ya know, I kind of always hoped you'd figure it out."

Deacon turns to face her but doesn't say anything, allowing her to continue. "I guess I kind of _fantasized_ that you would...that you would look at her one day and everything would make sense, and you wouldn't be angry. We could be together. We could be a family."

Deacon reaches for Rayna's hand. "Hey...I know I needed a bit of a shove in that direction. Like I said, whenever I looked at Maddie, I mostly just saw so much of her Mamma in her. She's just perfect, Ray. But, when she was up on stage at Two Old Hippies, when we were singin' together...believe me, it all started to make sense. It made sense to me in a way that nothing else ever has. I guess I realized that she's a part of me, too, and I guess, poor kid, she's more like me than I ever could have imagined. I just, I don't know, felt a connection with her. I want to respect Teddy's role in her life, but I also want to be there for her no matter what. I didn't know I could feel like this, like… a dad?" Deacon pauses to wipe a tear that's rolled down Rayna's cheek. "Our lives are still so messy right now and I don't know how each day is going to pan out, but I do know that Maddie comes first for me. And I know that nothing's going to change that."

Rayna lets out a contented sigh and gives Deacon a small smile, holding tightly to his left hand, gently grazing her thumb across the scar on his wrist. "Where do you want things to go from here? What do you want things to be like a year from now?"

"I don't know exactly Ray. I don't even know how much I should expect, and I'm too damn scared to hope for too much. I'm just taking things one day at a time. But I do know I don't want any more secrets or misunderstandings between us. I want us to talk to each other, and not hold anything back. If somethin's troublin' one of us, I want us to talk about it, right away, before it snowballs out of control. I want all of us to be able to talk to each other. I want to know where I stand with you, with Maddie...with Daphne." Deacon meets Rayna's eyes, letting her know he hasn't forgotten about the little girl. "Hell, I guess even with Teddy. He still pisses me off but, even if he's an ass, I appreciate the choices he made." He pauses, changing the subject. "Anyway, do you have any plans today?"

"No."

"Well, seeing how it's supposed to be about 7 degrees outside today with this polar vortex thing, how about we go heat up that coffee that's waiting for us, snuggle up in front of the fire and, maybe read a good book?"

Rayna gives him a huge smile and another contented sigh. "I'd love that!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – By the Firelight**

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE. I own nothing.

**Thank you all so much to those of you who have taken the time to write reviews.**** ALL reviews, comments, critiques, etc. are VERY much appreciated!**

**I have the notes for several more chapters ready, just need to find time to put it all together! This chapter went in a completely different direction then I had ever intended. Next chapter will be posted really soon.**

Before getting out of bed Deacon reaches over for Rayna, taking her back into his arms and kissing her passionately. Brushing her hair away from her face, he looks into her eyes. "I love you Ray."

"I love you so much," she responds, fighting back happy tears. Deacon smiles at her, contentedly.

"Mind if I use your shower?"

"Mind if I join you?"

"I was hoping you'd ask," he grins.

Rayna and Deacon enjoy another steamy lovemaking session in Rayna's luxurious double his and hers shower, taking in every inch of one another and washing away some of the old hurts, both aware of the risks involved going down the same old road again.

"This sure beats trying to both squeeze under one showerhead!" Deacon teases. "I kind of always felt like I got the cold end of the stick there…not that I ever minded…"

"Well, we're going to make sure that never happens again. You definitely deserve your share of the hot water…and even your own covers." Rayna leans into him, kissing him again on the lips before stepping out of the shower.

After grabbing some yoga pants for herself Rayna tosses Deacon one of his old flannel shirts.

"Do I actually get to keep this?" he jokes.

"Oh I'm keepin' it. But I'll let you wear it while you're here."

"Mighty kind of ya!" he flirts back.

"Okay no more fooling around I'm starving!"

After dressing Rayna heats up coffee for herself and Deacon while he pulls the untouched leftovers from the night before out of the fridge.

"Suddenly I'm really glad I went with the pork instead of the scallops! Something about 2 day old, re-heated scallops…" Deacon makes a face.

Rayna smiles as she adds milk to Deacon's coffee. They stand around the island quietly finishing up the leftovers, then Rayna walks over and turns on the fireplace.

"It looks positively freezing outside!" She shivers. Deacon comes over and wraps one arm around her. "How about we cozy up by the fire then?"

Deacon sits down on the floor, his back against a chair. Rayna grabs the journal and cozies up next to him with her coffee, just watching the fire. Deacon opens up the journal, feeling more confident this time.

_It's a girl! A little girl! All I can think about is my Daddy screaming at me, telling me he hopes I have a daughter just like me some day! Maybe it will be a good thing you won't know about her…what would you ever do with two of us?!_

_Oh Deacon, my heart is breaking into a million pieces right now._

Deacon leans his head onto Rayna's. "She's so much like you, Ray. And it's a beautiful thing." Rayna smiles slightly, looking over at the handwritten pages. Deacon continues reading, soon coming to the pages that talk about Rayna marrying Teddy.

_I'm marrying Teddy Conrad next week. I'm not showing too much yet, but we can't put this off any longer, though Lord knows I have tried. Tandy has convinced me this is the right thing to do, and Teddy has been wonderful. There is just a tiny chance the baby is his, if you believe those condom warnings, but I know she's yours, and no matter what, I want her to be yours. I want more than anything for us to be a family together, but I can't put my life on hold any longer. This little girl won't let me. I want a family for her, Deacon, even if it's not the one I would have chosen. I want her to grow up in a stable environment, not like the one I had, or you had, or Teddy had for that matter. Teddy's father was an alcoholic._

"Teddy's father was an alcoholic?"

"You didn't know that? I never told you?" Deacon shakes his head. "He never liked to talk about him much. His childhood wasn't so perfect. I think," Rayna sighs, "I think a lot of the hostility Teddy has towards you, I think that's just a lot of misplaced anger he has over his own father. He's never much dealt with that, and I think he felt like, in a way, he was saving Maddie."

"Is that what you thought?"

"I thought he was saving _me_. Certainly my career! And, Deacon, I needed someone. I needed someone to lean on and someone to help with a new baby. I needed someone to show me what a family was like. I just…needed someone to be there for me."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't."

Deacon goes on to read about Maddie's birth and savors every word, particularly how much Maddie looked like him when she was born, and how comforted Rayna was by that. There is a photo of Rayna holding Maddie in a tiny pink and blue striped hat a few hours after she was born both looking so beautiful and peaceful.

He goes on to read much sadder pages after Rayna brings the baby home, and Rayna talks about Deacon coming back to town. She talks about Teddy believing her moods are due to post-partum depression, but she writes about how much she longs for Deacon, and doesn't want Teddy anywhere near her. All through that lonely time, she treasures the weeks spent bonding with Maddie.

Several pages later Deacon sees a picture of himself holding a 6 month old Maddie. Rayna had asked him to come by to talk about re-joining her band. There are several more pictures of Deacon and Maddie at Sound Check. There is one of Deacon blowing kisses on her face and Maddie giggling. Rayna looks over at the photo. "I've always loved that one. She adored you, you know. She was always pretty shy around other people. You always made her giggle." Deacon smiles.

The pages go on to talk about solid foods, the infamous avocados, details of her birthdays and now and then about how they had all just fallen into a comfortable rhythm. A few of the last pages talk about the last tour, when Rayna looked down from the stage to find Deacon and Maddie together, looking so happy. She wrote about how glad she was that they had a relationship of some sort, even if it wasn't the relationship they should have, that they deserved to have.

"What I didn't include in the journal was just, how much I needed to physically be with you! Oh God, especially when I was pregnant. Deacon, you have no idea how much I just wanted you. I guess it's some chemical thing," she cries and laughs at the same time.

"I'm here now," Deacon says seriously; lustfully.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10- Mom?**

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters are copyright of NASHVILLE.

**Thanks again to those of you who have taken the time to read this little story of mine, and especially those who have reviewed it. ****ALL reviews, comments, critiques, etc. are VERY much appreciated!**

"I'm here now," Deacon says seriously; lustfully.

"You are here now, aren't you?" Rayna says as she reaches up to kiss him, straddling his lap.

Deacon's strong hands tangle themselves through Rayna's hair, pulling her in closer.

"Mom? Mom! I had to come back to-"

"Crap!" Rayna exclaims as she hears Maddie coming through the kitchen. She quickly jumps up, attempting to compose herself. Deacon slides into the closest chair, pillow on his lap, looking anything but relaxed.

"Maddie? What's going on, sweet girl? Did you forget something?" Rayna meets her in the kitchen, doing her best to act nonchalant.

"Hi, Mom. I need to grab my book for my report – is, everything okay?" Maddie looks around, surveying the scene, the blankets and pillows tossed about. "Deacon? What are you doing here?"

Rayna quickly changes the subject to buy Deacon a few more moments on the other side of the room. "Hey, why don't you go grab that book before you forget and then come say hi."

"Okay." Maddie gives her a look and then turns to run upstairs.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Rayna whispers to Deacon, one hand coming to her face, embarrassed.

"Just like old times! Except I think this one likes me a little better than Lamar did!" They do their best to look natural as Maddie bounds down the stairs.

"So what are y'all up to today?" Rayna asks cheerfully.

"Just heading to lunch and then a movie. It's freezing outside." Maddie looks between Rayna and Deacon. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I better get going. I'll see you later?" They both nod. Maddie turns back around. "So, are you two, like, back together?"

Rayna looks at Deacon, then back at Maddie. "Yeah. Yeah, we are," she tells her honestly.

Deacon walks over towards them. "Are you okay with that, sweetheart?"

Maddie looks back and forth between her two parents for what seems like minutes, then runs over to Deacon and hugs him tightly, as though the weight of the world is finally off of her shoulders. Deacon sheds a tear and squeezes Maddie in a tighter embrace, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"Yeah, but...what changed?" Maddie asks, looking up at Deacon and over at Rayna, who is also wiping away a stray tear.

"How do you feel about having lunch with us today instead of going to the movie?" Rayna asks. "I'll go let Teddy and Daphne know."

Rayna goes out to see Teddy. When Daphne sees her she gets out of the car and runs to hug Rayna, whom she hasn't seen in about eighteen hours, a lifetime when you are 10. Rayna greets her with an embrace and they hold hands as they walk to Teddy, who is still waiting in the car. "Hey, Teddy, "she drawls. Hey, do you mind if Maddie stays here while the two of you go to your movie? I've kinda got something important I wanna talk to her about."

Before Teddy can say no Daphne pipes up,"Yes!" She says, victoriously. "Now we can see _Frozen_ again instead of _Saving Mr. Banks_ !"

Teddy looks unhappy. "What, it's a win win." Rayna says, smiling innocently.

"4:30 Rayna. I will pick her up at 4:30."

"Thank you, Teddy." She replies, sweet as honey. "You two have fun at _Frozen_!"

Teddy takes off with Daphne for lunch. Rayna runs back inside, feeling rather frozen herself, and heads down to her music room to grab the journal she had kept for Maddie. Deacon and Maddie are already sitting on the sofa together when she returns. Deacon had been explaining to Maddie that he and Rayna talked and he tells her there's just too much they're not willing to give up on. Deacon gives Maddie a look, _that_ look, the one she's been starving for, the one that says the whole world spins around her, the one that says she's a part of him, a part of her mother, conceived in love, and even at 14, even with many missed moments behind them, she'll always be daddy's little girl. Maddie smiles back at him, confidently.

"Hey, I want to show you something." He reaches for the journal. "This is a little somethin' your mom put together." Deacon skims through the journal, showing Maddie some of the photos and giving a brief overview of the memories Rayna preserved for him.

Rayna comes in and sits down next to Maddie. "You made this, Mom."

"I did. But, "she takes in a deep breath. "I kept a journal for you, too."

Rayna passes off the journal to Maddie and heads to the kitchen to make lunch, her heart full to overflowing as she watches Maddie and Deacon cuddle up together on the sofa, reading and laughing as lost moments came back to life.

"What were we watching in this picture, here, Mom?"

"Most likely _Cars_. You must have watched that together a thousand times!"

"Oh, I remember!" She looks over at Deacon. "I only liked it because you would laugh so hard at their jokes. Were they even jokes?"

"Are you kiddin' me? Lightning MacQueen was hilarious! Don't even get me started on Mater!"

"Oh and here's that pink car I used to have!" Maddie says, looking at a picture of herself with a pink, die cast Cadillac.

"I bought you that car at one of them rest stops, when we were on tour."

"That was the coolest car ever. I had a little fairy that fit in it behind the steering wheel."

Deacon stares at her, feigning anger. "A fairy? Wow. In a Cadillac. I don't even know what to do with that. That's just so so wrong!" Maddie laughs.

Rayna's words capture lots of guitar lessons between the two, a page about the time Maddie painted Deacons toenails with the glittery pink polish, and all of the guys in the band made fun of him.

"It took, like, 6 months to grow out!" Deacon recalls, smiling.

"Deacon, it would have come off with nail polish remover," Rayna shares.

"You said that didn't work with that glittery stuff! Plus my feet never looked so pretty!" He grins over at Maddie.

Rayna had written a paragraph about Maddie's travel tea set. "Oh, I remember that too, it came in a little green and fuschia suitcase with flowers on it! Oh, here's a picture!" The photo shows a photo of a tea party at Sound Check. Deacon is sitting at a table with Maddie and Bucky and a few other band members.

"You made the worst tea," Deacon tells her. They laugh.

"You don't like a spoonful of tea in your sugar?"

A few more pages talk about Rayna and Maddie arguing all the time when she was about 5. Both were so bossy and stubborn. Deacon could always reel Maddie back in with a few guitar lessons.

Rayna documents how Maddie was always playing guitar. "It was like having Deacon around, "she penned. "I noticed how much you were like Deacon at other times, too, even at such a young age. You were always observing, and so intuitive." Rayna explains in the journal how good Maddie was with people, but would shy away at parties. She could also occupy herself for hours.

"Do we really have a lot in common?" Maddie asks, looking over at Deacon.

Rayna tosses out an example, "white chocolate."

"It's not chocolate!" Maddie and Deacon toss back in unison, laughing.

"Oh my God, my first bike!"

"Well look at that. I taught you how to ride that bike! Daphne, too. You had been so frustrated with your mom and Teddy. I taught you in the Sound Check parking lot. When it came time to teach Daphne your mama came to my door with Daphne and a sparkly little bike, looking so beaten down!"

"I was not!" Rayna exclaims in mock offense. " I just respect that you have some God given talents!"

Maddie and Deacon share a look between each other and Rayna. "Soooo... When it's time to get my driver's license, can you teach me to drive, too? Because I think I'm having some flashbacks…

"Come on you two, lunch is served!"

The three sit at the table, enjoying lunch together and each other's company.

"So, does this mean you will be spending more time with all of us?"

Deacon reaches for Rayna's hand. "Yeah, it does," she tells Maddie. "But we want to try this new 'communicating with words' thing. If there's anything one of us is worried about, or not comfortable with, we want to be able to talk about it before anything spirals out of control, and that goes for you and Daphne, too."

4:30 shows up too quickly and Maddie hugs Rayna goodbye, "bye mom, I love you!"

"Tell Daphne to call me later, okay? Tell'er I love her."

"I will. She reaches over to hug Deacon as well, whispering softly, "bye, Dad," before walking out the door to Teddy's car.

Deacon just watches her, beaming.

"I'd say that's the look."

"What look?" Deacon asks, confused.

"The one she's waited all her life for. From her father." Deacon's eyes crinkle up at the corners, understanding settling in.


End file.
